He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
