The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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