guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Banned from zoo.
Again?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
