you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.