She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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