I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Pooping to opera.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
