I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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