I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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