i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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