maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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