Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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