No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
