I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
