yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
