I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
