Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
