And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
