I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
