Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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