don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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