Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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