Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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