now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
