Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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