she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
