I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
