i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
