I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
