this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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