Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
