come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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