her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
