I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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