i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
