i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
