She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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