She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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