All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
