Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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