my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
