She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
