I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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