Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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