my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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