You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
