I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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