I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
