watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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