I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
