Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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