i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
