I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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