Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
