what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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