lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
