the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
