Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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