I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
