Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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