I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
