watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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