I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
