ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
