I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
